After her divorce Debi Levenson, at right, had to learn to get along with Monika Levenson, second from left, who married her ex-husband. She says she did it for the sake of the children, Jessica, far left, and Brittany. (ABCNEWS.com)

Getting Along: Mom and Stepmom Find a Way to Cope  Sept. 16 — When Debi and Jeff Levenson first got married, she thought she had met the man of her dreams. They had a fairy-tale wedding and two beautiful children.

But after 12 years of marriage, things went drastically wrong, and the suburban San Diego couple was left on the brink of divorce. 

Eleven months after his divorce was finalized, Jeff married Monika, fueling a fire that had been raging for years.

Most Second Marriages Involve Children

More than 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce, and 65 percent of remarriages involve children, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. And the anger and sadness that accompany a breakup are compounded when the "other woman" becomes the "other mom..

Jeff Levenson said he finally decided to leave Debi because of the children.

"It got to the point where finally I felt that I would be better if I moved out because there was a lot of arguing, and we were fighting and I felt that that was being destructive to our family," Jeff said.

Their daughters, Jessica and Brittany, who were 7 and nearly 6 at the time, noticed it too. Six years after the divorce, the painful memories linger.

"They'd always yell at each other," said Jessica, now 14. "I'd be, 'Why are you guys yelling? You're supposed to be happy. You're supposed to be OK.' I just remember her [Debi] being really upset and her crying a lot."

"I remember when we were little, every time we'd go to Dad's, Jess would always cry," said Brittany, now 13. "Because she didn't like the separation."

Jessica said she blamed herself for her parents' problems.

"In the beginning, I thought it was all my fault," she said. "I really thought, I was like, 'OK, I did something. It was all me. It was my grades, it was something.' I thought I did it. Like I put all of the blame on myself."

Stepping Into Chaos

Monika Levenson says she knew from the beginning that she was stepping into a difficult situation, and she was worried about what Jeff's children would think of her.

"It's very challenging to come in as that third person and [wonder], 'Are the kids going to like me, how is the ex-wife going to treat me or accept me?' " she said. "That part's challenging."

Jeff Levenson acknowledges the children sometimes got caught in the middle.

"As much as we wanted to say at the time that we were not putting the kids in the middle, they were smack dab in the middle every single day, defending the territory on either side of the fence," he said. "Looking back on it, it was horrible."

Finding Common Ground

Seven years after the divorce, and after many years of animosity, Debi and Monika Levenson, have forged a relationship that is both cooperative and respectful.

The Levensons credit an organization called CoMamas. Thanks to the organization's online advice, seminars and the book Stepwives, the family was able to turn the page and write a new chapter in their lives.

"Last year we had a bat mitzvah for my daughters," Debi Levenson said. "And Monika and I were able to communicate and work together into making this big event for the girls."

The bat mitzvah, a Jewish coming-of-age ceremony for girls, marked a major milestone for Jessica and Brittany and for their parents, who now realize the keys to successful co-parenting. Most important, put the kids first.

The two mothers — mom and stepmom — and Jeff Levenson now attend birthday parties, school concerts and sporting events together, thanks to the critical changes they've made in their relationships.

The rules include: no bad-mouthing; respect rules and routines; and empathize, don't judge. But with all their advances, there's still some emotional territory left to navigate when it comes to one special day: Mother's Day.

"It is a very sensitive topic," Debi said. "And I don't know that I ever will want to share Mother's Day with her."

Jessica says that there should be a day to honor stepparents.

" Because they do a lot, whether people want to admit it or not," she said.

Jeff Levenson says he hopes the family can agree on a way to honor his current wife as a mother, too.

"It is important that Monika has her day and I have a feeling Debi thinks it's important for Monika to have her day — it just can't be on Mother's Day at this time," he said. "Who knows what the future holds, but it could you know, the way things are going, it could change."