Now, we all know that dividing one household into two is an expensive proposition. There will be an adjustment period. The point is that you should show your children that money management is critical by doing it, not just by saying it. Your financial
house does not have to be in perfect order to influence your children in the right direction. They will learn lessons watching your struggle. You can ensure that they learn the right lessons by taking charge of your financial affairs.

One last point on this subject: please do not allow out of control spending or large consumer debt to wreck havoc on your self esteem. You are not a bad person because you are in debt. You are not a bad person because you like to buy shoes.
You are not a bad person because you don't have any savings. 

There is a reason that money can divide families:
Handling money may seem commonplace, but it is overwhelmingly charged with emotion. The way we handle money is not an isolated event. It comes from years of "training" from our parents and family, from society and from within, much of which
we may not even be aware. With perhaps the exception of work, there is little I can think of that has such a profound effect on our daily lives. 

The upside to all of this is that money can positively impact your self esteem as well. Remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" to how you spend, save or invest your money. It is a personal choice that, when done consciencelessly, reflects your own values. If you feel bad or guilty after a shopping spree or because you are hiding from your landlord around the first of every month, just think how good you will feel when your bills are paid and you have money in the bank. It is that feeling that we are trying to pass on to our children, and it can only come from being in control of our finances.

Educate Yourself: 
Part of the reason that so many of us to not impart basic knowledge about personal finance is that no one taught us these skills. 

There are two subjects which seem to be taboo subjects in our society: 
sex and money. 
The former seems to be losing its stature as a: "we-don’t-talk-about-that-at-the-dinner-table" topic while the latter remains off-limits.

Both subjects, in their non- lurid forms anyway, are basic life skills that every child will need to be educated about in order to function as an adult. As a whole, though, we seem to remain afraid or unwilling to talk to our kids about money and I suspect that it is because no one ever taught us, at least in the formal sense, about handling the oh-so-important stuff. 

Your next task, therefore, is to educate yourself, both on the subject of personal
finance and on how to teach your children about good money management. The
more you know about good money management skills, the more you will have to
pass on to your children. 

You will find that as you learn more about the value of a dollar, you will want to pass on this vital information you by now are probably wishing someone had taught you before you went out on your own. 

Obviously, methods you would use to teach your ten year old will differ from those strategies you employ with your 16 year old. 

Though the methodology may change to suit the child and the child’s age or abilities, there will be no changes in the basic ideas just because you have a blended family. In other words, you will still want to give your children an allowance of a specific amount each week which they will divide into spending, savings and charity "accounts," though the amount may change to accommodate your co-family. 

Look in your local library, on the Internet or in parenting groups for good sources of information on this subject. 

Now that you have an idea about how you want to handle things, you’ll want to discuss it with the other adults involved. 

Depending on the level of civility amongst your co-family you may want to write out a plan, including important details like how much of an allowance to give each child, what
expenses the child should be expected to pay for out of that allowance, who will give the
allowance, what extra chores and how many per week your child can do for extra
money, etc. 

The ideal situation is where all of the parents are on the same page. The only way to accomplish this is to sit down and have a meeting about it. You cannot assume that your ex-spouse knows that you told your daughter she would have to start contributing for her Girl Scouts or her dance lessons. 

More importantly, you cannot assume that your ex-spouse knows why you are insisting on her contribution. He or she may feel you are being "cheap" or will wonder why that money isn’t coming from you and before you know it, it has turned into an argument about child support. 

You must discuss this plan with your co-parents, even if you have to write it in a letter because the two or three or four of you aren’t speaking to each other. It simply will not work if either part of the family is left in the dark. Furthermore, it will force you to solidify your plan of action, and we all know that any major undertaking works better if you have a plan to follow instead of just winging it.

You may find that you have to start slowly instead of instituting the entire plan together.
For instance, if you child simply absolutely must have and will die without the newest
video game machine, it may be the perfect opportunity to teach your child delayed
gratification. Try to agree that no one will buy it for him until he earns and saves enough
money to pay for part or all of it. Even if it is the only aspect of teaching your kids about
money which you can agree on, it is a good start. 

Holidays are not about the day or the date, but about relationships.  They are a time to get outside of yourself and get into the spirit of giving. 

We think the best gift you can bestow upon your children during the coming season is the model of giving respect and cooperation to all the adults in their lives - moms, dads, stepmoms, stepdads- wherever they are, whatever they’ve done in the past.  Here are some tips for helping you do just that.

 Some feelings to expect if you are an ex-wife who will be without your children for the holidays:  Loss, abandonment, sorrow, grief, aloneness, confusion:  Why me?  Realize you are only human and it is natural to feel this way.  If you give in to the notion of the Holiday Blues, you may just set yourself up.

  • Celebrate “Mock Holidays” before or after the actual date.  Remember: As we said before, it’s about the relationship, not the date.

  • Split the holidays up into parts, ie, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, one parent dresses the child for Halloween, the other participates in the trick or treating, etc.
  • Little kids may be apprehensive about going to see their Dad in another state.  Mark off the days till they will leave on a special calendar.  Have the child call the other parent to discuss what the activities will be when they arrive. 

  • If they are very young and going on a plane, be sure they have an escort.

  • Teens may refuse to go to another city or state because they don’t want to be away from their friends.  They want to be more independent. Expect this.  Be sensitive to what they will be giving up.  Talk to them about it in advance.  Acknowledge how difficult you know it is for them, but remind them how much the other parent loves them.  Beginning these discussions early will help prepare them.

  • Plan to spend the holidays with someone else you care about.

  • To put things in perspective, make it a point to give to those less fortunate than you.  Volunteer at a toy drive, soup kitchen, adopt a family, etc.

  • Let them know how happy this makes you!

  • Remind them (without making them feel guilty) that their father and stepmother are missing them.

  • Help or encourage them to call the other parent.

  • Talking about their other family will help make them feel more whole

  • Have a special place for them in some way, ie. a sleeping bag or placemat with their name on it.
  • Be sure to urge your husband to take vacation time off work.
  • Take a family picture.
  • Observe special rituals each year when the children come.
  • Teach respect by having them call or write the other parent
  • Let them mark off days until they go back on a special calendar
  • Acknowledge your STEPWIFE’S loss at not being with her kids
  • Realize that children who behave badly during the holidays are just that - children.  Calmly set limits and don’t require their full participation or emotional involvement.  They may be feeling disloyal to their mothers.

 Compromise is the name of the game.  When aiming for a compromise, EACH PERSON gives up some of what they want to reach a situation that is acceptable to both.  Compromise is balance.  Both people give up their extreme positions and take a place closer to the middle so that no one is the loser.  You never want your STEPWIFE to feel like the “loser” or the “victim” because you will surely have to pay for it later.  With compromise, you can choose to pay now so you won’t have to pay later.

Little Johnny is barely 6 years old.  Last year, his mommy and daddy got a divorce, and his heart broke in two.

Then about six months ago, his daddy’s new girlfriend started coming over every time he visited his daddy, and Johnny’s heart broke a little more, because he thought his daddy loved her more than she loved him. 

When he told his mommy, she called up his daddy and screamed at him, and Johnny felt his heart break again. 

When he heard her telling his grandma what a bad man his daddy was, his little heart just kept on breaking. 

Can you imagine what will be left of Johnny’s heart by the time he is seven?